6:40 My alarm goes off.
6:43 I get out of bed.
6:45 I am ready to go
to the gym, but contemplate going back to sleep. In the end I decide that I
need to go so that boys will like me.
6:57 I arrive at the
gym.
7:45 I leave the gym
because I am bored and don’t want to try anymore.
7:53 I arrive home to
quickly change and shower.
8:26 I share a bagel
with the trash can and decide to indulge myself in a waffle.
8:31 The waffle is
gone and I’m a sticky mess.
8:34 My hands are
still covered in syrup because I don’t want to move.
8:40 I have to walk
to class in -17 degree weather. My only motivation to go is that after my
classes I can eat mac n’ cheese and hot dogs.
8:53 I arrive and
make my grand entrance to the back row.
8:56 I fall asleep
before the professor arrives.
9:47 I am awoken by a
thud. My professor threw a book at me because he was sick of my disrespect.
9:51 Class is
dismissed and I am still disoriented.
9:52 I take my first
steps towards the door and trip and fall.
9:53 I arrive in my
next class. Its one room away in the same building
9:54 Time for another
nap.
10:32 I wake up.
Finally well rested.
10:33 The TA calls on
me. Thank goodness I woke up.
10:50 My last class
of the day is over. I walk out with a grin like a Cheshire cat.
10:51 A cute boy
opens the door for me. Do you think we’re going to get married?
11:07 I arrive at the
dining hall. N-Card in hand.
11:09 Extreme
internal breakdown because the mac n’ cheese and hot dogs are gone.
11:12 I settle for a
bowl of meatballs.
11:14 I gather my
unique array of foods (meatballs, cantelope, meatballs, peanut butter,
meatballs, and a banana) and head to my table.
11:15 Second internal
breakdown within 6 minutes. All the booths are full.
11:16 I sit at a
table.
11:21 The meatballs
are gone and I am sad.
11:43 I return to my
room to watch Gossip girl because I’m #basic
12:25 One episode
ends. I watch another.
1:08 Netflix
hypnotizes me. I have no choice. I must watch more gossip girl.
1:50 My roommate
returns. I act like I just started watching gossip girl so I can watch three
more episodes without being judged.
3:56 I set my
computer down and decide to stop watching gossip girl.
3:57 I make the
decision that I need one of those girly, fruity drinks from Starbucks so that
people think I’m cool.
4:09 I get to
starbucks and pick my seat. Another girl, also getting a hip drink, is
encroaching on my territory.
4:10 I plan my
attack.
4:12 My plan falls
into place. I get my drink and leave. (I’m a coward)
4:56 I’m cold. I just
spend 40 minutes in my car so that people don’t think I’m a loser for going to
Starbucks and not enjoying the pleasant white-girl atmosphere.
5:02 I return to my
room and act like I just had the best experience ever because I would be judged
if I didn’t enjoy Starbucks.
5:04 It is time to
get on my social media sites and tweet and make status updates that make my
life look pathetic so that people feel bad for me and invite me to socialize
with them.
5:09 I decide on the
tweet “My dog is my bestfriend #lolz” That will definitely make people want to
hang out with me.
5:13 I decide not to
update my status because cool people don’t use facebook.
5:17 I begin to wait
for people to text me.
7:56 Still waiting
for someone to text me.
8:01 I decide to take
matters into my own hands.
8:07 I tweet again.
8:09 I choose to
tweet “No one loves me! Someone tell me I’m pretty. #lol #jk #notreally”
8:54 No one has
texted me
9:03 It’s time for
bed. It has been a grueling day.
12:47 OK. For real
this time. I am done with Gossip Girl and its bedtime.
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